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Oh, hello. I did not notice you there amongst the veritable army of funny t-shirts all around us. I fear I am overly distracted by the effort of maintaining the best place on the whole world wide web to come for funny t-shirts. How appallingly rude of me. Perhaps I could entice you with a bit of champagne? Some delicious cheeses from all over the worlds? No? Ah, straight to business. I like that. Well, if it is funny t-shirts you are after…you have come to the right place. We happen to have the very brightest MIT graduates working around the clock to ensure that you have the funniest t-shirts, the best service, and the fastest shipping available. You doubt my claims? I will not say that I am or am not lying, but if I WERE lying…it would only be because I care about your business so very much. You don't have to be as smooth and charismatic as I am to know that these are some truly spectacular funny t-shirts that we have here. I am quite astonished at your ability to even read this, since you must be literally shaking with laughter. I would like to tell you that each time you order, we rush it to you upon the wings of angels borrowed from heaven…but I am an honest man, and I want you to trust me. No, we use normal shipping methods…if by "normal" you mean that we only have a standard handling rate of one day and that we have expedited and express shipping options that would guarantee your package even sooner for only a small fee. I suppose there's nothing really "normal" about shipping that fast, come to think of it. I need not declare that I am, in fact, a gentleman. You should be able to tell merely by my most articulate and polite manner of writing. You should also know that a gentleman always keeps his promises, and I intend to keep mine. Knowing this, you have the assurance of my absolute PROMISE that your order will be perfect. If it is not perfect, you merely have to contact me via email or carrier pigeon and I will correct whatever error you have detected in your order, whether our fault or not. Your funny t-shirts must…be…perfection. Nothing else will suffice. Thank you for your time, dear neighbors, and I surely hope you will decide to do business with us…the gentlemen of funny t-shirts.